Well, I am tabling the mixing of “This Valley” for the next 10 days as I join a Cornerstone team in Tenali, India! You can follow our adventures at http://csmissions.wordpress.com/category/india-feb-10/ ….we’ll have daily updates, photos, and video clips! Keep us in your prayers!

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Well folks, I am currently in the process of recording/producing my first full length worship album. God has taught me a lot during our pregnancy and loss, and I have condensed most of my journey during those 6 months into 11 songs.  The album, “This Valley” really addresses the fact that our faith cannot be contingent upon an outcome. God is with you in the fire, whether you live or die in the flames. We lost our baby and it broke our hearts, but in that brokeness I felt the presence of God like I never have before. The title songs revolves around the idea that God is with us in the fight, in the moments when we just can’t go on. Even in the moments when it feels like we are caught in a desert or the valley, God calls us to obey, surrender, repent, and worship. Its not easy and its not always happy, but its our calling.

All 11 songs started as lyrics from a prayer journal as I began to converse with God and struggle through the reality of losing our firstborn. As a worship leader, I had to examine myself and see if I truly believed everything I said and sang on stage. Half of the album is geared towards the corporate worship setting, and the other half reflects some honest and hard personal conversations I had with God. This is the first full collection of music I have worked on that started lyrically…This may happen once or twice but normally I have a catchy tune or riff to build upon. It has been a fun challenge to craft melodies and song structures around pre-existing meters.

God has revealed himself to me during a pivotal time in my life, and I don’t want it to stop with me, so I’m putting it out in song. I hope you guys will enjoy! I will have some snippets up soon, but right now, I have to get back to tracking electric guitar!

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These last 26 weeks have been very difficult.  It was devastating to hear from the doctor that my wife and I were going to lose our baby.  I suddenly had to look my beliefs in the face, the stuff I sing and say from stage every week, and ask myself if I really believe. Do I believe that God provides, gives, and cares? Can I really surrender my situation, my daughter’s life, into His hands? Can I let go?

The doctors said if for some reason our baby did make it to term, it would most likely be mentally disabled. That was when I realized I was helpless. I honestly never thought I would ever have a child with mental disabilities and didn’t know if I had what it took. I can barely handle being a husband, let alone a dad to a child who needs a real hero. In this moment I realized I couldn’t just rely on my skill or talent to get me through. I saw the edge of my abilities and knew I couldn’t make it. I found my limits…came face to face with my frailty.  I needed God to prepare me drastically for whatever outcome.

Its a scary moment: surrendering something to God. We talk about it and sing about it, but in the back of our minds we know that we have it under control. We have money in savings accounts, friends who can help us, locks on our door, a strong government, etc. In this moment I realized I had nothing to fall back on. God shows up in our desperation…its up to us to let go. That’s faith.

It hasn’t been easy, but God has grown me immensely. I’ve learned to take refuge in the fact that GOD IS WITH us, not in the hopes that God will make everything the way I want it. My daughter didn’t live. My wife and I are grieving. Life is hard. Pain is real. Yet I am not alone, and if I can manage to stay pliable God will shape me and I will emerge stronger and wiser than before.

If we don’t surrender and honestly listen to and seek God’s promptings, we waste incredible opportunities to mature and grow. Gold is refined in the fire.

God has filled me with lyrics relating to this situation in a wave I haven’t experienced in a long time. I have a hunger for the word. A desire for daily communion. I feel His presence more than ever before. There is something on the other side…but we have to trust that He will get us there.

What will you say
when the gales pound
when their winds have run your ship aground
When the sails rip and hull gives way
What will you say

what will you do
when the tempest blows
and calls the raging waves to rows
when icy waters cover you
what will you do

where will you go
when the currents pull
when surrender has you in its lull
when death is waiting down below
where will you go

well i must brave
the open sea
and face the terror holding me
I’ll swim until a changing tide
takes me to the other side.

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